I'll be honest, today was tough. It was hard getting ready this morning; I just didn't feel pretty at all. And of course, I let that pretty much set my mood for the rest of the day. Church was good, but I don't think my whole heart was there. I was being too selfish to put my own petty problems aside and focus on God.
I know it's only day #5, but I've seen no improvement. I still let my frustration with my hair and acne practically ruin the rest of my day and being thankful to God is far from my mind. I do thank God that He's allowed me to live another day, but it seems to be all words. I don't really act like I'm thankful.
Earlier today, I wished I hadn't gone through with the challenge. I wished I hadn't even thought it up. I didn't want to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. I was tired, I was in a bad mood, and all I wanted to do was sleep the rest of the day away. The only thing that stopped me from doing that was homework, which just worsened my mood.
There are times in my life where I just need to cry. I need to do something to get my frustration out. Sometimes it's not about anything. Sometimes it's about a big thing. And sometimes it's just a bunch of ridiculous things put together. But I'll let you guess whether or not today was one of those times.
I realize just how easily I give in to the devil's lies. I believe him when he tells me "You're ugly." or "You'll never be pretty enough." And I get so frustrated. I know in my head he's wrong, but I've listened to the lies for so long, I actually started to believe them. That's what I need to stop doing. I need to stop listening to Satan, stop fueling the lies, and start listening to God, the God of truth.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Yeah... I'd definitely consider myself to have weaknesses. But if feeling like I'll never see myself as beautiful will make more room for Jesus, then fine by me. If having insecurities will keep me humble and serving, then fine by me. If my personal failures allow Christ's power to be seen, then fine by me. His grace is sufficient for me. God is more than enough. He is all I need. I don't need clear skin, because I've got Jesus. I don't need perfect hair, because I've got Jesus. That doesn't mean I don't want those things, but if God has another idea to bring glory to His name, then I'm all for it.
"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation, and my God." Psalm 42:11
"My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!" Psalm 34:2-3
Girls tend to think that for guys to find them pretty, they have to be what they consider flawless. 10 pounds of make-up, hair that they obviously spent hours on, fancy dresses, lipstick, etc. I've talked to good friends of mine about this, and we all agree--Girls are most attractive when they look *real.* Not to say that girls should never put on make-up and things, but I find a girl who's wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and normal hair infinitely more attractive than a beauty queen. Take it from some Christian boys. We obviously know what we're talking about. XD
ReplyDeleteI know that if you truly want God to help you conquer this problem he'll give the victory, if only you trust him fully to do so. Also, the fact that you realize the devil's lies are just that--Lies--Means something. The Puritan writer William Gurnall writes in his book "The Christian in Complete Armor" (which I highly recommend) says, "If you find a voice in your heart pleading for God and entering its protest against evil, you and your efforts are acceptable in [God's] sight."
I love this picture :)
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