Being attractive to tax collectors

Recently, I started studying the life of Jesus and have gone back and forth between the 4 Gospels in the New Testament. Today I read a passage from Mark chapter 2 and after reading and reflecting on it, I felt lead to share what God showed me. 

(13) Once again Jesus went out beside the lake. A large crowd came to him, and he began to teach them. (14) As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector's booth. "Follow me," Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him. (15) While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. (16) When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" (17) On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." (Mark 2:13-17 NIV)

After reading this passage, I went back to see what my study Bible's notes said about it. 

Verse 15: "Tax collectors. Jewish tax collectors were hated by most Jews and were regarded as outcasts. They could not serve as witnesses or as judges and were expelled from the synagogue. In the eyes of the Jewish community their disgrace extended to their families...Sinners. Notoriously evil people, as well as those who refused to follow the Mosaic law as interpreted by the teachers of the law. The term was commonly used of tax collectors, adulterers, robbers and the like. Were eating. To eat with a person was a sign of friendship." (The NIV Study Bible)

What Jesus is doing here is completely counter-cultural. Understand that this is a radical move. Jesus is definitely making a clear and bold statement, and doing so in plain view of the religious leaders of the time. 

First, Jesus calls Levi to follow him and join the rest of his disciples. This in and of itself is remarkable to me because Levi and other men of his profession were hated among others. Levi's kind was not to be associated with, and the idea that Jesus would cross that boundary, step over the line, and offer Levi a place among his closest friends is astounding. This was a big deal. 

The fact that Jesus ate a meal with Levi and other "sinners" is showing something very important and it became a central idea in Christ's ministry; Jesus came to love the sinner. And not only that, but Jesus surrounds himself with men who are poor, humble, and/or sinners. Christ did not seek out the Pharisees and the religious leaders to become his disciples. No, he sought after the outcasts, those that were hated or looked down upon in his society. He shows this by pursuing Levi and asking him (or really telling him) to follow him. Christ chose the sinner and allowed him to come into a personal relationship with himself. 

But something else should be noted. After Jesus chose Levi, others followed. Look again in verse 15: "for there were many who followed him". So in this situation, Jesus not only seeks out and wins the hearts of sinners, but he naturally attracts them to himself. And when his actions are questioned he replies, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick." So Jesus attracted the sick. Everywhere he went, they flocked to him. Both those who were physically sick and emotionally sick. The needy came to him and he accepted them with open arms. 

So I started thinking; do I attract the sick? 

Do I attract the sinners, the tax collectors, of our day and age? Do I choose to dine with them, allowing them to become part of my life on a level of friendship like Jesus did with Levi? Or does my self righteous and pious attitude turn them away? Do I come across as so "upright and uptight" that people who do not know or follow Jesus personally shy away from me, possibly out of fear of being judged? By God's mercy, I certainly hope this is not the case. 

I want to attract the sick. I want to attract today's tax collectors. I want them to be drawn to me like they were drawn to Jesus. 

Now, in my head, I think that if I don't have any tax collector friends, or "sick" people in my life, then that shows something. It means I'm doing something wrong. But maybe that's not the right way to look at it. I don't know for sure, but it does raise some concerns.

Now the key to being attractive to tax collectors would be to do what Jesus did first; seek them out. Reaching out and befriending those who are outcasts in our society shows them that we are different. That they have value and that they matter, not only to us, but to God. Never conforming or compromising our beliefs, but also never condemning or judging the ones we're trying to reach. 


Brothers and sisters, let us remove ourselves from the comfort of our church pews and small groups. Let us branch out and seek the sick men and women of our time. Gathering and encouraging each other on Sunday's is very important to our spiritual health, but let us step out on Monday, cross the line, and take risks to seek out those who did not find themselves in a church building the day before. 

Let us draw the hurting, the needy, the "sick" to ourselves so they may see the love of Christ in us. Remember you were once where they are now; you were lost and some other follower sought you out in the midst of your sin and befriended you so that you also could see how Christ is the Savior you were searching for all along. 

Let our families, our churches, be the hospital that these sick people are drawn to, that they run to, so that they might experience the healing of our gracious Doctor who has changed our own lives in the best way possible. 

High School/College Student Budget Worksheet

Hey everyone!

Recently I decided to try my hand at creating a budget. I searched online for sample worksheets, but nothing had everything I needed and some had a little too much. Being a commuting college student still living at home, I didn't need everything that most budget worksheets come with. So I created this simple and personalize-able budget worksheet for the high school or college student that maybe only works part time and isn't really paying lots of bills yet. I'm starting to transition into a monthly and more long term budgeting system with Charlie and I getting married next year, but this has worked really well for me. I'll go step by step through the worksheet and include a printable one for you to try.

Let's get started!

Here's what my Budget Sheet looks like:

It's divided into different groups. For each group I have an envelope with it's title and the money that I'm allowing for each item inside, separated by paper clips and/or sticky notes. Let's start from the top and work our way down :)

Here I included a line titled "Pay Period". This is where I put the dates of each pay check. This is on a bi-weekly pay period and to start out with, it is easier for me to make a bi-weekly budget instead of trying to think a month in advance. Most places I've worked, you don't even get your work schedule a month in advance. Then in the Budget line I would fill in with the dates of the NEXT two weeks since this was the money that was lasting me until my next pay check.

I also included a box for the starting balance in my checking and savings to keep track of how much I had in the bank.

The income boxes were just a way for me to write down exactly how much I earned in the pay period, both gross (before taxes) and net (after taxes) which was all found on my pay stub. I included my tithe (about 10%) here, which for convenience, I normally round up to the nearest number divisible by 5. For example in the following sample budget the gross amount was $290 (based off a minimum wage job working 20 hours a week) so I rounded the tithe up to $30. It's easier to put in the offering plate than a bunch of $1 bills. Then I put in the amount I would like to save, which fluctuates from paycheck to paycheck. I try to save at least 1/3 of my net income which was about $85 here, but I understand that things come up and us students can barely break even some months, so try to save as much as you can. It's a hard habit to learn, especially when new movies come out and friends want to go see them or you really NEED a new pair of jeans, but try to really focus on saving, even if it means having to say no to some things. You'll thank yourself later.

So here's what things would look like filled in. *NOTE: these are example numbers for you to get an idea of how this would work.

Now to me, I take out my savings and tithe and just focus on what's left over (in this case $250-$30-$80= $135). This is what I would work with and budget with.

Moving on we have the Bills, Debts, and Car category.

As a high school student, I didn't have that many bills. I did pay my phone bill which was $50 a month to my parents. Because of the bi-weekly budget, I would take just $25 out of each check and hold onto it until it was time to pay my bill at the first of the next month.

Also, I do not have a credit card yet, but if you do and have an amount to pay off, it would go in the Debt Payments: Credit Card category. You could even add rows with specific credit cards if you wanted to. The other category can be for any "I owe you"s and such. For example, I do however owe my parents money towards my Pharmacy Technician class I took last semester and my textbooks that I bought this semester, so that went in the Other category. I listed how much I paid and what remainder I had left to pay which helps keep track of how I'm doing.

Next is the car. If you have a car or at least a vehicle you drive, you most likely have to put some money into it. I put places for Gas, Insurance (which right now my parents are generously paying and I try to help them by keeping the rates low and driving safe :) ), Maintenance (like the periodical oil change), and Tolls. In this category there is a place for the budget amount that you set for yourself and then places to later record the actual amount you spent and the difference of the two to see if there is a need to adjust. I budgeted $30 for gas but if I only used $20 then I'll know that I can adjust the amount I'm budgeting and put that money somewhere else next time.

Continuing on the rest of the category's are pretty self explanatory:

Again, you fill in your budgeted amount for each item and then after the end of your budgeting period you go back and fill in how much you actually spent to see if you can adjust things. This can be tricky if you just use cash like I do and can't remember how much things were. I've also included an expense sheet that I made to help with that too. It's almost like a check book registry to record what you buy and how much it was.

Then at the end you can record your ending balance in your accounts and (hopefully) it'll be greater than when you started!

I've included the Word documents for each sheet and you can personalize your budget and expense sheet to fit you and what you pay for! Just add or delete rows in each category to make it your own!

So what do you think? Anything I should add or take off? What works for you? Leave a comment and let me know!

With this link you can access the two files available for download. Have fun!

Budget & Expense Worksheets

My Accutane Treatment

Like many teenagers and young adults today, I suffered with pretty severe acne. It probably started when I was about 10 or 11 with just a small breakout on my forehead or chin and quickly became worse. We started seeking treatment when I was about 15 but soon learned that generic topical creams would hardly do much good. At 16 I went to an actual dermatologist for the first time. She mentioned Accutane at our first visit, but explained that that was an option if the topical creams and antibiotics didn't work.

I tried probably 3 or 4 different creams, many of which seemed to work at the beginning, but lost their effect after 3 months or so, and the acne always came back. Even while the acne itself was gone, it left (what looked like to me) a battlefield of scars on my face. None of the creams or antibiotics helped with this issue. 

So this past winter I had had enough, and I marched back into that dermatologist office and said "Give me Accutane." Maybe it didn't happen exactly like that, but that's how I like to think it did. I had a few friends who had done it and they had seen amazing results. So even before I went in to talk to the doctor about it, I researched everything myself. 

Accutane is the brand name for Isotretinoin. It is a form of Vitamin A that slows down the secretion of oils in your skin and helps to replenish your skin more quickly. Its a pill that you take orally usually for only 4-6 months. I ended up being on it for only 5 months. 

The biggest concern with Accutane is that is has been proven to cause VERY severe birth defects if you were to get pregnant while on the treatment. The drug can affect an unborn baby's heart, brain, and even cause facial deformities. It's some pretty strong stuff. Because of this severe danger, the packages are loaded with pregnancy warning labels like this picture: 

It's a big deal, I'm not going to lie, and there's a lot of risk you take if you decide to take Accutane if there is a chance you could become pregnant. Because of my Christian beliefs, I knew this would not be a concern for me because me and my fiance had decided to wait until we are married to be intimate. Otherwise, you have to "pledge" to be on 2 forms of birth control for your entire treatment. You CAN choose abstinence (don't let them tell you otherwise!) and then you would not have to put a second form. 

This is what the iPledge program was developed for. It connects patient, doctor, and pharmacy together while the patient is undergoing the treatment. The iPledge program was put in place to make sure that patients understood the risks of Isotretinoin. You cannot take Accutane without signing up with iPledge. 

What the program makes you do is your doctor has to put in your information and set up your account, entering in your 2 forms (or just abstinence) of birth control. Each month before you get your prescription, you then have to go online, sign into your profile, and reconfirm your forms of birth control and answer some questions about the drug and the treatment process. After you have answered your questions, THEN you can go and pick up your prescription. You will only get a 30-day supply and a time. NOTE: The doctor sends in your prescription and then you only have 7 days to answer your own questions and pick up the prescription, so make sure you understand WHEN your doctor sends the prescription so you don't miss the deadline! 

Your doctor has to then make sure each month that you are not pregnant. I had this done 2 different ways. Accutane has many other side effects (just like any other drug), many of which they need to monitor with blood work (like cholesterol). So before I even started the treatment, I had to go get blood work done at LabCorp so they had a way to see any change in the next few months as I went on the treatment. They also tell whether or not your pregnant from these blood works. So they will check it once before you start treatment, and then once after you've done the first month. If the doctor ever chooses to bump up your dose, you will have to go back to get more blood work to make sure than the increase isn't causing adverse effects  after you've completed a month of the increased dose. 

If they decide they don't need to get blood work, your doctor may have you do an in house urine pregnancy test that they can confirm right away and send the prescription in. 

You have to visit your dermatologist each month in order to get a new prescription because they do not come with refills. This can add up, so be aware of how much your regular visit costs and make sure you are ready to pay that once a month for 4-6 months. 

Since I never had to deal with the biggest side effect of Accutane (the birth defects), there were many other smaller side effects I personally had to deal with. Within the first couple months, my skin was dry and my lips were excessively chapped. I would wake up in the morning and not be able to smile, and I couldn't go but 10 minutes without reapplying chapstick. My dermatologist was able to give me some sample medicated chapsticks, but after losing them (like I always do) I ended up buying Aquaphor healing ointment which helped a lot. 

Another big side effect for me was severely dry eyes. I wear contacts and those already sometimes irritate my eyes, but the Accutane made it a lot worse. My eyes were also VERY sensitive to light. It would be cloudy and rainy and I would have to have sunglasses on, it was that bad. This was a big issue and was the reason I came off Accutane a month early. While I was on vacation to Cape Canaveral, Florida with Charlie's family, my eyes were really bothering me, especially because it was so bright and sunny there. Charlie's mom helped me by getting me lubricating eye gel drops (Refresh Celluvisc) instead of just artificial tears and also an eye ointment (Refresh P.M.) for at night. The gel drops were amazing and I could take those with my contacts in. The ointment was to keep my eyes moist over night, and helped tremendously, but I had to take my contacts out for that (which I probably should do anyways). 

Another very important thing with Accutane is that it makes your skin very sensitive to light, and it is very important to ALWAYS wear sunscreen! You will get burned just from walking to the car, so always protect your skin! 

Those were the biggest side effects for me, but make sure to read up on the other side effects that it can cause and let your doctor know if you have pre-consisting conditions. I know that the drug can increase depression if it runs in your family and affect cholesterol, so make sure to tell your doctor everything! From what I know, the side effects go away once you're off the Accutane and it usually only takes a month for it to be out of your system. 

However, even through all the discomfort of chapped lips and dry eyes, I couldn't be happier with my results! My skin is not only clear, but looks healthy and feels amazing! The most amazing thing to me is that most of my scars have healed as well. I'm so excited that something has finally worked. There is a slight chance that the acne could return, but my doctor told me that because of how well I reacted to it, she doesn't think it should be an issue. Check out my before and after pictures below! 

 

 

 

From the girl who "has it all".

Hey everybody! It's been a while since the last time I posted. I'll try to be a little more consistent from now on. :)

So Charlie and I have been dating for over a year and a half now. It'll be two years next March... time really does fly! Like any couple, we've had our arguments and petty squabbles, but I have been so blessed with this amazing man in my life! He is so patient with me and is such a gentlemen. He treats me like a princess, and I can't even begin to express how wonderful that is! I wouldn't trade the time we've spent together for the world. 

Here comes the "But..."

... Charlie does not satisfy me. 

*GASP* How could a man who loves Jesus, plays guitar, fights fire, and loves me for who I truly am not be enough for me? This man wants to marry me someday. He's striving to do that even now. What in the world is wrong with me? 

Since the beginning of our relationship, I have tried to deal with multiple insecurities. Many of which were described in my 14-Day Beauty Challenge (See? I haven't even completely gotten over those!) (Read about it HERE). You can ask Charlie, it took me many, many, many months to even just say "thank you" when he complemented me. Even if he asked me NOT to put makeup on, I would. While out in public, I still compared myself to other women... WHILE walking hand-in-hand with my boyfriend. 

My point is, I am still insecure about my appearance even with the validation of a great and godly boyfriend. 

Many of my friends have confided in me of their insecurities. One of the #1 statements I hear is "I would feel better about myself if I had a boyfriend or just some guy who liked me". 

This is a very dangerous lie. 

Girls, you are approaching a romantic relationship with an incredibly inaccurate expectation. Men cannot and will never be able to satisfy this hungry and controlling monster we call insecurity. And expecting them to do so will only create unhappiness and hostility within the relationship. It was really hard for Charlie to experience this first hand. He always wanted to fix whatever was wrong, and knowing there was nothing he could do that could make me feel better about myself was killing him. 

Ladies, no man will ever satisfy you, EXCEPT the One that died on the cross for you. 

"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) 

I am living and honest proof. Charlie is an amazing man, so why am I still insecure? How, after all this time, do I still not believe him when he says I'm beautiful? How do I still feel like I don't deserve him when he repeatedly tells me we're perfect for each other?  Why do I still compare myself to others, convincing myself Charlie deserves someone better, when he continually reminds me he wants me and only me? 

Because God created a void in me that only HE can fill. 

My identity, my self worth, how I feel about myself should be rooted in Christ, not in Charlie. 

"As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness" Psalm 17:15

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious" 1 Peter 3:3-4

Check out that last verse: "... in God's sight..." Not Charlie's sight, not my sight, not the mirror's sight. God's. We need to only be concerned with what God thinks of us. To Him, this is beauty. 

So ladies, please, look to Jesus to fulfill you. Even if you look to an amazing, wonderful, Christian guy, you will still not be content. God created a space in you that will only be satisfied with Himself. Don't try to put a square block in a round hole. And no, no matter how you twist the triangle piece, it will never fit either. 

And men, please understand this: you cannot fix this problem. Guide your woman toward God. That is the only place she will find her true identity. 

 "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore" Psalm 16:11

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19

It's okay to not know.

I haven't posted in almost a year since my beauty challenge, but I couldn't resist sharing what Jesus has been teaching me in the past few months. It's been incredible.

This is my senior year... and simply saying I have senioritis is a big understatement. I am ready to graduate, get out of the house, and go to college. However, that wish is not a guarantee and God has been faithfully reminding me of that.

My last year of high school is now more than halfway over, and I'm constantly faced with the dreaded question from every adult and peer in my life: "What are your plans for college?". A few months ago I was sure of what I wanted, but now I'm looking for a more impressive way to say "I have absolutely no idea."

I'm going to give you an overview of my senior year/college searching experience so far, but first let me fill you in. My boyfriend, Charlie, and I want to stay together so we've been going and visiting colleges as a couple. God has told me that he's the one for me, so I'm fully trusting God to show us where to go. Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." and Charlie and I have taken that to heart. God has spoken so clearly in this, it feels like I have physically heard His voice. It's amazing! We want to marry each other someday, and I know we would like that sooner rather than later. We want to get married young, but we're still looking to Christ for guidance. But if that's what He wants for us, then we want to be as smart as we can. We really want to get out of college with the least amount of debt possible. So the cost of tuition and availability of scholarships is a big priority to us when looking for a school.

Anyways, back in August, we went and looked at Regent University in Virginia Beach. We loved it! They have a beautiful campus, great faculty, and had what I thought I wanted to major in; education. I was set on going to this college. I didn't even want to look anywhere else. But since I had nothing to compare it to, we continued our search with attending a CFAW event at Liberty University in September. These two schools are very different, but both had what I wanted to study. Liberty is a great school, but I didn't have the same feeling of wanting to be there that I had at Regent. However, I am very glad I went to Liberty because it was there that I figured out I am not cut out to be a teacher. They said you needed a passion for this, and I didn't have that.

So then I went through the application process at Regent, and was accepted! I still wasn't sure what I wanted to study. I thought about majoring in Christian Ministry, or Intercultural Studies, or even Psychology. With Charlie and I, there's been this mutual openness between us that if God told us to go to the mission field, we would go, so that's where a major in Christian Ministry or Intercultural Studies would be great in finding an organization to go with. Psychology just kind of interested me, but in order to be a practicing counselor or something, you have to get a masters degree or higher. Now, I know that I'm not going to be a working mom when I'm older, so it would be silly to spend so much time and money on a career that I'm not actually going to pursue, so I thought I would just get a bachelors and work an office job somewhere for a while until I have kids.

Now that I was accepted, I applied for the Scholars Weekend event at Regent. They pick 25 students, those people automatically get half off of their tuition, then they go and compete somehow for several full-ride scholarships that the school gives out. After crunching the numbers, I figured if I at least got half off, I could go, live on campus, and get out of college without debt.

Last week I found out I was not chosen to attend. You can imagine how disappointed I was and still am. I felt like that was my only shot. So I started the search again, trying to figure out what I wanted to do so I could figure out where I wanted to go. But if I'm not sure on what I want to do, I shouldn't be looking for a 4-year university. The smart thing to do would be start off at a community college and just get a general studies degree. But honestly, that sounds lame.

I'm still going to see what kind of financial aid and other scholarships I can get at Regent. Maybe that door isn't completely closed yet.

But now, I feel like all the plans, all the ideas I had for my life have completely changed. Honestly, I just want to grow up and be a mom. I don't have an interest in pursuing a professional career at all. But I feel like I have to go to college because that's what I'm supposed to do.

It seems like every door I go to remains shut, no matter how hard I knock. I get an interest in something, I check it out, and it doesn't work out. Like, just today I went to go and at least apply to University of Richmond. My choir director works there and he said I had a good chance of getting some good scholarships for music. So I went to the website and looked around, and then went to apply, but found out I've missed the due date.

Years ago, I thought I had it all figured out. I had a major I liked, a number of possible colleges I was interested in, and a career that I wanted to pursue, but it's all changed. Now I have no idea what I want to study or where I want to go. All of a sudden, next year isn't so definite anymore.

But you know what? It's okay. It's okay to not know. It's okay that the next four years of my life aren't set in stone. It's okay if I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. It's okay if God hasn't revealed the timeline of me and Charlie's relationship. It's okay. This is forcing me to trust God, which is honestly the best thing for me. It hurts and it's uncomfortable, but it's what I need.

This past week, I've felt the comforting arms of Christ surround me. He has constantly reminded me of the promises in His Word. Isaiah 55:8-9 says this: “ 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' " 

I remember hearing a quote that went something like "We bring our plans to God asking for His stamp of approval when we should really bring a blank sheet of paper and tell Him to do what He wishes." God's plans for me are so much BIGGER and BETTER than what I have in mind for myself. His ideas are too high for me to grasp. 


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6. These verses are so familiar to me, but take on new meaning when I'm struggling with something like this. God's timing was perfect when He showed me this again in my devotions this week. God promises me something here. He's going to direct my paths, He's going to show me which way to go. There's no "might" or "maybe" here, this is a definite. I can't bet on going to the college I want to go to next year, but I can bet that God's going to lead me. I just have to trust Him, not think I know what's best for me, and submit to His guidance and trust it's what's better. And let me tell you, there's an unbelievable amount of freedom and peace that comes with that! I'm not worried about what the future holds. I'm not embarrassed to tell people I don't have a definite plan. I tell people I'm trusting God to direct my path, and no one can touch that. 


“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;" Isaiah 43:1b-3a. I belong to God. There is nothing that will take me out of His hand. He doesn't say that I'm not going to face the rivers or the fire. He doesn't say that it's going to be comfortable. He just promises to be there and not let the waters wash me away or the fire burn me. I'm sure the future is going to hold some strong waters and hot fires, but I've got the best protection out there. 

God is leading me somewhere, I just know it. I don't know where, I don't know why, but I feel it. I know there's something coming. Something big. Whatever it is, I know it must be much better than anything I had in mind. 


" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " Jeremiah 29:11 

Independent Beauty Challenge Day #14

Today has been a really great day. I had a lot of fun at school (weird right?)

and learned a lot of stuff from reading 1 Peter today. 

 So... it's the last day. This challenge has been, well, challenging, but I'm so 
glad I did it. I was just so tired of looking to makeup to make me feel good 
about myself. I was tired of letting a bad hair day ruin the rest of my day. I 
was tired of focusing on my outward appearance so much and ignoring my spiritual 
needs inside. 

I've learned that this wasn't really an independent beauty challenge but more of 
learning to become DEPENDENT on Christ for my view of myself and ultimately my 
view of beauty. I'm learning to look to Him for who I should be, not to the 
world for what I should look like. 

You know, I doubt I will ever really feel beautiful. I don't think I'll ever be 
able to look at myself and be like "Wow, you really are a beautiful person". 
Because in reality, I'm a terrible, wretched sinner. I'm weak, I'm poor, I'm 
selfish.... but by the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ, I have been washed 
clean. I have been set free. I'm not dead anymore; I'm alive! God has brought me 
from hell-bound to glory-bound. He has saved me. It's ONLY because of Him that I 
can be a remotely good person. 

Knowing where I've come from and where I am now, I am completely humbled. I've 
crossed from death to life and did nothing of my own power to do it. It was all 
Jesus. And this challenge, these devotions, were all Jesus too. If it weren't 
for Him, I might have quit the first day. I can receive no credit. This was all 
God's doing. It was His idea and it was His grace that brought me through. 

I've struggled a lot over the past two weeks; trying to face insecurities that 
I've struggled with for years. But I'm ready to let them go now. 1 Peter 
5:6-7 says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that 

at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on Him, because

 He cares for you." So that's what I'm doing. I'm giving all these insecurities to God. 
All these anxieties, I'm casting onto Him. So here You go God, take them all. My 
acne, my glasses, my smile, my nose, my eyes, my hair, my size, everything. I'm 
done freaking out about them. I'm done letting them control how I feel and how I 
live the rest of my day. If there's some way You will bring glory to Yourself 
through these insecurities of mine, then that's totally okay with me. This body, 
this life, was given to me. I am BLESSED to have it. I'm done complaining about 
it because I'm sure neither of us is benefiting from it. 

Now, I'm sure these insecurities will always be there. They'll never really go 
away. But I'm starting to see them less as insecurities and more as ways God 
keeps me humble. I mean, how prideful would I be if I actually had perfect skin, 
perfect hair, and a perfect body? 

But I'm ready to change. I'm ready to be refocused. I'm ready to put aside all 
this that has kept me from being who God has called me to be. It's a continuous 
battle, and it won't be totally won until I'm out of this life and away from 
this human nature. But, with my best friend Jesus, I stand a pretty good chance 
:) 

Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but 

Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the 

Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Independent Beauty Challenge Day #13

Today has been a really good day. I had an eye appointment this morning (yay contacts!), got my hair cut (well trimmed really), and had a pretty good pre-calculus class this afternoon. And to start it all off, I woke up to maybe 3-4 inches of snow! :)

I read through the book of James today, which is one of my all time favorite books of the Bible. In just 5 chapters, you can learn so much. I'd highly suggest you guys go read it if you haven't in a while. Something that caught my eye was in chapter 4 verses 4-5 which says, "You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God. Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, 'He yearns jealously over the spirit that He has made to dwell in us'?" So we either hate the world and love Jesus, or hate Jesus and love the world. There's no in between. If we truly love God, our lives should look like we hate the world. Not in the sense that we hate people of the world, but this isn't our home. We don't belong here. This life here is nothing compared to eternity.

 It says in the next verse "He yearns jealously over the spirit He has made to dwell in us". Jesus wants our hearts. He wants us to be with Him. He is jealous for us! He can't stand it when He's not all we want; when He's not the only one we're worshiping. So we can't have both. We can't have the world and Jesus. But after I've got a glimpse of Christ, why would I want earthly things anyway? I can say that but what is my attitude, my actions, really telling people? Do I live like I really hate the world? Do I live like all I want; all I need is Christ?

Exodus 34:14 "For thou shalt worship no other god; for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God."